Lonely Only



Wolfy has decided that he wants a sibling.

He and I had a conversation last week and he informed me that he would like to have a baby brother, but not a baby sister. He also acted rather dubious when I told him that the baby would belong to me and that I would have to spend a lot of my energy taking care of it.

Sorry to burst your bubble, little fellow, but this whole sibling thing might not be all it’s cracked up to be. No matter what I said though Wolfy continued to be totally in denial that this nonexistent sibling has the potential to impact his life negatively in any way. I guess toddlers aren’t very adept at analyzing hypothetical situations.

I think that what Wolfy really wants and actually needs is a playmate. He is bored with trying to play with the dog, which ignores him, and the cat, who scratches him. My husband and I are both so tired of being Wolfy’s main source of entertainment. We are both at the point of becoming nauseous at even the thought of smelling play doh. In fact, if I never again used a tiny rolling pin to make a pretend road for matchbox cars, I could die happy. Also, for the record, I’m totally sick of playing the other bumpy road truck game. It involves me performing a tremendous amount of sound effects and those noises do not come naturally to me at all.

My husband refuses to even enter the room of the house with the train table in it. He’s too scared that just being near the dreaded thing will cause Wolfy to force him to “play” with it. Playing with the train table actually means you just sit there and aren’t allowed to touch the trains. You have to keep your hands demurely folded in your lap while Wolfy pulls his trains around and around in circles. Occasionally there’s a derailment or he wrecks the tracks. You are allowed to touch the train table to fix the tracks. But then you have to sit absolutely still again.

Perhaps Wolfy is really onto something with this sibling idea.

I imagine that a baby brother or sister would have very little trouble abiding by Wolfy’s many arbitrary rules at least for a little while. A newborn could be quite entertained being propped up near the train table while Wolfy narrated stories about whether the trains were on time and if they were huffing and chuffing. And when that sibling got a little older, Wolfy could be entertained by getting frustrated with his baby brother or sister. He is already getting practice with this by engaging in one-sided battles with our dog.

Apparently tattling is just something that children are genetically programmed to do. Often we think it is the result of sibling rivalry, but Wolfy is proof that tattling is just a really annoying part of any toddler-hood. It fulfills some primal need deep inside them to control his surrounding through domination and order. Because my husband and I have yet to do our parental duty of providing Wolfy with a sibling, he has resorted to tattling on our poor canine.

According to Wolfy, our dog is guilty of many crimes. For example, Midge isn’t allowed to sit near Wolfy’s chair when the boy is eating. Sometimes Midge isn’t even allowed to look at Wolfy. If only Wolfy had a sibling; he would never run out of offenses to report. And he wouldn’t have to get so creative as to tattle that there are, “buggies on my window and they’re not being safe.”

Perhaps Wolfy wants a sibling because he just wants to be like his friends, many of whom are now big brothers. I’m guessing that he sees all the sweet, happy babies that come to our house and has no idea what could really be in store for him.

After all, aren’t second children always the truly wild ones of the family? Maybe the next child (whenever she or he happens) will really give Wolfy something to tattle about.


10 thoughts on “Lonely Only

  1. 1. Playdate! We have many, many children to volunteer to this cause
    2. The loneliness of onlys is vastly overrated. I am one and never (and still don’t) desired a sibling.
    3. Because I had no siblings, I use my dad as a benchmark: “But you clean up after dad! Why do I have to clean up after myself?” It never worked.

  2. Mya used to consider it her cross to bear to train the poorly behaved cat at their house. She wouldn’t tattle though. She would fix the situation as she saw fit. Which usually meant violently yelling at it and/or pulling it off the table.

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