Being a mother for the past two and a half year has been a real education for me.
Back when I was pregnant, I remember struggling alongside my husband trying to put the pack n play together for the first time. We had this idea that we should have it set up before the baby arrived. I guess that was a good idea because it took two adults about forty-five minutes to get it set up. Now I could snap that thing together one-handed, in the dark, underwater.
Before I was a mother, I had a lot of ideas about motherhood and a lot of them were absolutes. I thought, I’ll never do this or I’ll always be sure to do that. Now I have a lot of new ideas about parenting but none of them are absolutes. I am simply trying to be a mother in the best way that I can and I now know nothing is foolproof.
10 Things I Have Learned from Motherhood:
1.) I have learned all the characters in my son’s favorite shows. Not just their names but their personalities and how they all interact with each other. I find myself humming the theme songs to these shows. In the car. When I’m alone. This is so horribly embarrassing that I might not be able to finish this list…
2.) I’ve learned is that my two-year-old is going to touch gross things in public bathrooms and there’s nothing I can do about it. His little paws move quickly and they come into contact with everything. The toilet, the floor, even the garbage. He knows that what he’s doing is wrong but he does it because it upsets me and he thinks it’s funny when I get mad.
3.) I have learned how to get stains out of clothing. I still wistfully look back on that beautiful, expensive, organic onesie my son had when he was a newborn. It was blue with peacock feathers. It even had a matching hat. One day Wolfy’s diaper leaked all over it. I thought it was ruined and threw it away. Now I would never make such a rookie mistake. Stain remover has become one of my best friends; it rarely lets you down.
4.) Two-year-old children have no concept of the truth. Toddlers can tell stories that are very believable because they are full of real life details- except they are completely fabricating everything. My son loves to tell stories just for the sake of telling a story whether or not they actually happened has nothing to do with it.
5.) It is possible to become sick of reading aloud. Wolfy will stay absorbed in books as long as you will read them to him. Seriously. He will sit on your lap and read ten stories or just one story ten times. Your choice. Either way, it’s exhausting.
6.) I love being the mother of a little boy. I never pictured my life this way. For some reason, I always thought I would have a daughter but having a little boy is the greatest thing ever. I don’t get misty-eyed about the long hair I’m not brushing or the dresses I’m not buying. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything because I’m too busy having fun with Wolfy to notice what I don’t have.
7.) Magic Erasers take crayon off of walls- like magic! On a side note: I’ve also learned the hard way to never leave a toddler alone in a room with a Sharpie. In fact, if you are a new mother, throw all of your permanent markers away right now before your babies become mobile. It’s probably a good idea to hide the scissors too. You can thank me later.
8.) Babies and toddlers have Inspector Gadget arms. You might think that something like your hot coffee is out of the baby’s reach but as soon as you turn away, they will use their super-telescoping limbs to knock it over.
9.) Toys secretly mate and reproduce. I swear that we used to only have two little Matchbox cars. Now there are literally hundreds of them. I know they are copulating when while the rest of us sleep.
10.) Wolfy is the most intelligent, charming, funniest, most creative child to ever grace the earth with his presence. I swore I would never be one of those annoying mothers, but apparently she is hiding out in every one of us. And I am no different. I am totally in love with my son. Of course I am. He’s the best!