Yes, you read that right, I’m pregnant and Wolfy is going to be a big brother.
Maybe you think you are pregnant too or you’re thinking about doing that whole baby thing sometime in the near future. When the time comes, you could take one of those extremely accurate home pregnancy tests, or just refer to this trusty little list that I’ve created just for this special time.
You might be pregnant if…
1.You just ate an entire watermelon, but you’re still thirsty.
2. You need that annoying noise to stop RIGHT NOW!!!
3. By 3pm you are exhausted and you never get a second wind.
4. Your significant other reaches for you in a romantic way and your automatic response is, “Get the heck away from me!”
5. Your boobs are not just sore, they are more sensitive than the princess-and-the-pea. Someone should hire your boobs just to drive around detecting tiny earthquakes or to determine which roads need repaving.
6. You get hungry, eat two bites of food, and immediately feel terrible. Repeat every twenty minutes for the next several months.
7. You desperately need to pee every hour on the hour, except for those hours when you need to go to the bathroom even more frequently.
8. For some explainable reason just doing the laundry feels like exercise. Lifting a basket of clothes gets your heart rate increased and makes you short of breath. You are not normally this ridiculously out of shape.
9. You just left the milk in the cupboard that holds your glassware and you can’t think of that word or what you were just talking about. No, it’s not Alzheimer’s. You have pregnancy brain and it’s just as real.
10. Your ability to smell becomes a superpower. You can sit in one place and isolate each individual fragrance: the cat box that you now rely on someone else to scoop, the fart someone thought they had stealthily released, the garlic bagel that your co-worker ate for lunch two hours ago. Usually all the smells you can now smell are disgusting and make you feel sick.
11. Your emotions are a cruel roller coaster in which the operator has fallen asleep and the ride never ends. Your husband is the most annoying person but you never want to be apart from him. Your children are driving you crazy, except you can’t stop hugging them and thinking about the way they looked so innocent when they were babies. You cry during the theme song to Sesame Street.
So congratulations! If you have one or more of these symptoms, you are pregnant and miserable. If you are like me and have already breezed through the first trimester, you can rest assured that most of these symptoms are definitely pretty much gone. Not!
It’s a fun forty weeks. Magical even! Believe me, you’ll want to cherish every awesome moment.